Saturday, January 28, 2012

GiGi's Sweet Baby Boy

Two and a half weeks ago I became a Gigi.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with a "GiGi" it's what my grandson will be calling me.  You see, I'm only 34 years old and I don't feel like a "Grandma" or "Mamaw" or "Nana" or anything else.  I'm a "GiGi".

This baby boy is the light of my life.  I fell in love with him immediately and I can't stop looking at him and holding him.  He is a spitting of my daughter and I just can't stand it.

This past year has been hell.  My little family has suffered so much loss and heartache that we thought the pain was going to be a permanent fixture in our lives.

Looking back nearly one year ago to the day, I remember such heartache and fear for my daughter.  That heartache and fear is not gone, even now.  As a parent, I think it's normal to be afraid for the future's of our children.  It's only when truly heart-wrenching things happen that the reality of the fear sets in.

I cried when I was told that my daughter was pregnant.  I was in such despair on many levels.  I felt betrayed and abandoned, but, mostly, I felt helpless.  My heart was torn into pieces from a mother's perspective.  My heart was angry and confused as a woman dealing with infertility.  I was a mess.

I have never cried more for the life of my child than I have in the last 12 months.  Coming to terms with what has happened to us has been hard.  I have struggled to get through it all.  It is still a daily struggle and at times I feel that the battle will never be over.

BUT Two and a half weeks ago something happened.  This baby came into our lives.  I watched as my daughter gave birth to her son just as my mom watched as I gave birth to my daughter.  There was an immediate pride in my heart for what my daughter had just achieved.  It was unlike anything else I've ever experienced.  I could feel my husband weeping as he stood behind me and he heard the baby's first cry.    It was mind blowing.

It amazes me how God has designed things to happen.  Even in our sin He loves and blesses us.  This baby only proves that we cannot be separated from His everlasting love.  I won't lie, I struggle regularly from an infertility perspective.  It's not easy watching someone go through what you've been begging God to give you for many long years.  What I do know is that I adore this little guy and can't even remember what it was like when he wasn't here.

And my daughter?  She seems to have changed into another person.  You couldn't find a better mommy if you tried.   Watching her agonize over the future of her new baby makes me see the change in her heart.  Her tears for her son show that she is the mommy God planned for this little bundle.

The blessings of God are never-ending and forever overwhelming.


1 comment:

  1. This post made my heart smile and cry at the same time...